Silly Jokes Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: "I don't like brussel sprouts!" Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll. Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood. Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claus! Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? A: Fleece Navidad! Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side. Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? A: Crisp Cringle. Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you. Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A: A subordinate claus. Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? A: He wanted to sleep like a log. Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door! Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? A: Because every buck is dear to him. Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Q: What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? A: It was wound up already. Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Games I played at Mystickal Realms

Bored with holiday shopping? Here are some tips to liven up the experience: Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code3 in housewares' . . and see what happens. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!" When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO!...It's those voices again!!!" Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while . . . then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!" And here is what Yellow Dog, SFloridaJim and I used to do......heehee (when smoking was allowed in department stores). We used to fit a lit cigarette into the mannequins' fingers, and hide behind the clothing racks to see who noticed. I know......we had too much time on our hands - but we had a lot of laughs!

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